stayatworkfatherofthree

GET YOUR HOME IN ORDER. TODAY!

by stayatworkfatherofthree 1 Comment

Wow!  Here is where I am going to start.  At home.

Mess creates stress.   Looking at crap (clutter) everywhere just reminds you of all the back stories, baggage and procrastination.  Your mind wanders, anxiety peaks.  Then you get stressed out.  Day turns to crap.  Ever since I was old enough to have my own room which is about the time Japanese 80s minimalism first went mainstream, I have kept my things ship shape.  Because MESS CREATES STRESS!

Sure.  We are all adults and should be able to function in muddy trench warfare or rough camp it in the bush.  But when you are working from home.  That my friend is another story.  This is that story.

It has also helped that for most ( 85%) of my adult Generation X existence, I have rented rather than owned and that generally restricts how much you can decorate and embellish.    Nevertheless, the two times I have owned my own home, less has been more.   Since returning to Australia, we have been renting and we might as well be lepers because people here only worship the real estate gods.

It was only yesterday our clean up efforts of the last month made total sense.   It was a kid free day, so Stayatworkfatherofthree and Stayathomemotheroffour watched a Youtube video of a cruise ship chef showing how they make so many meals for the various on board restaurants.  His initial quote was priceless:

“The Captain steers the ship, but the Chef drives it”

This made so much more sense now.  When we first bought our Bangkok apartment and starting cooking for three children, the first thing we did was rip out the ancient wood panel kitchen with wall facing cooker and single sink.  Re-tiled the floor and made an island double sink with an electric stove and oven on the end.  Anyone cooking then had full view of the living room, the cityscape from the window and everything looked IKEA white ship-shape.  The mood when cooking improved, the flow was more efficient and the food tasted better.

Our neighbor who was a hotel chef said it was the most workable residential kitchen he had seen in our building and we became more adventurous with our cooking, hosted kick ass dinner parties for our friends and our lives, for the first time since Charlie was born, were finally in order.

Fast forward to now and our two and half years renting in Australia and tolerating whatever kitchen was installed, we have now got our groove back.

Everyone has heard:

“Happy Wife, Happy Life”

Fewer have heard my own retort:

“Happy Hubby, Lot’s More Money!”

My productivity has been stellar, Stayathomemotheroffour is totally in the mood, the kids are all falling in line with house rules.  Yes!  Structure is easier when there is less chaos.  But you know what is the best thing?

Good fortune now has more clean open surfaces to land on and we have not had a day without some wonderful turn of fortune.   Not luck you understand.  Good fortune simply appears when there is room for it in your life.  In the last month, we have let go of many possessions, been more hands free with concerns and just simply kept our heads down clearing the decks (is it no accident many of the idioms for coping with life come from the seafaring).

You do not need to own a boat to appreciate things work better when they are stored in the right place and the right place being where you can find them when you need them.  That means putting like-purposed items together.  Sherlock Holmes kills two birds (mental clutter and home clutter) with one stone:

“I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.”

Words I have lived by since first reading that passage from a Study in Scarlet in 1983 and in no less than 19 fixed abodes in as much time.

So two weeks ago we had our first inspection by the local real estate agent managing the two-storey townhouse we are currently renting.  It kinda crept up on us, but in 72 hours we had jetisoned two-wheelie bins if trash, donated a trunk of stuff to a local Church charity bin and moved some furniture and things around.  IT WORKED.  So let’s not keep it a secret.

1. KEEP ALL THE KIDS STUFF IN THE KIDS BEDROOM…

…..and under no circumstances let it infect other parts of the home.  Specically keep it out of the living room, the carport, our room, any bathroom and all balconies etc.   This step involved us moving a set of shelves from living room to kids bedroom that had nine A4 square compartments full of kids books and toys.  They were constantly taking them out and leaving them everywhere between kitchen and every corner of living room.

2. USE CLEAR PLASTIC BOXES WITH DIVIDERS TO STORE CRAP…..

…and label the compartments.

3. SCHEDULE CLEANING TASKS INTO BATCHES AND DIFFERENT DAYS.

Do not try to clean a home in one day.

4. SORT PAPERS AND DOCUMENTS WITH GOOD MUSIC AND WINE.

If not windy this is even better outside.  Stand as much as possible so you can dance to the good pieces and clean all surfaces first so you have lots of places for pages to land and sort into categories.

5. COMPLETE IN THE LAST PHASE OF THE MOON.

Nothing says preparing for a new moon, like having a purge after the full moon and getting reading for new projects.

6. FOCUS ON THE KITCHEN, THE FRIDGE AND PANTRY

There are menu planners and there are realists.  No home can stick to a set menu, but you can plan meals according to the activities of the day.  This gives you flexibility for unexpected visitors or events.  Make this your rock though as food is fuel and without it being clean and made without haste, you are doing you home a disservice.

7. WRITE YOUR OWN BOOK

One thing missing from so many families are their own traditions.  Don’t just follow a method because that is the way it has always been done.

8.  I AM NOT MOSES.  SO THERE IS NO 8, 9 or 10.

It is Saturday night and we cleaned my Father’s kitchen and bathrooms today, along with several loads of washing, vacuuming and so we are going to have Chinese in the next town.

Have a great and safe weekend.  Variety is indeed the spice of life.

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Options are my Opiates

by stayatworkfatherofthree 1 Comment

Recently I saw an article about writing or being a writer contributing to being bi-polar and it is no accident so many WordPress articles cover topics on the whole range of mental anguish.   For a writer, any scene from The Shining is enough to turn you away from a keyboard faster than a surfer from the water after seeing Jaws.  There is an alternative.

Mental anguish manifests itself in so many ways for so many people and for so long.   In fact Sherlock Holmes put it simply “The pain of the mind is far greater than the pain of the body.”  Having spent some time in hospitals and under the knife long before reading the World’s most famous detective (and by the way, the world’s most published individual), mental pain was always greater than physical pain.  Writers block also seems to send people close to the edge as much as anything.

Stayatworkfatherofthree is NOT a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker and lacks empathy for the most part, with all the sympathy of a tiger.  Nevertheless, my life has always been about “giving while living” long before learning who Chuck Feeney was.  Having been born with Poland’s Syndrome and often being the only Asian face in class and more often than not the shortest in the school, no obstacle has hindered as much as mental anguish.  I found a solution along the way and am sure you will too.

When I left Hong Kong, many of my friends were holding down high paying jobs and taking anti-depressants on a daily basis and so proud happy pills could help them achieve more than those not without this open secret weapon.  Most of the entire generation above us is on mood altering medication.  And now everywhere I look people are suffering in increasing numbers.  It is perhaps the biggest issue since starvation in the 80s.  Perhaps when there is a Live Aid concert dedicated to all the people who committed suicide, public awareness with turn a better way.

Each of our three children shares a class with children suffering from mental anguish in some form.  We first noticed at our Bangkok school most families lived in high-rise condo apartments with limited contact with nature.  Accordingly, we built a sand pit on our balcony, sacrificing any hopes for a naughty hot tub and filled the remaining space with as many plants and trees we could fit.  Our not-so-quick-fix to give them an instant nature fix without having to go downstairs.

In addition, most of the school Fathers worked in the oil and mining industries, thus not at home much.  These were kids with aggression issues.  But this was even more rife when we got to the Australian suburbs.  Honestly, probably not since the First World War have so many Australian children done most of their growing up without a Father.  The mining industry has a lot to answer for and society is already paying the price on so many levels.

Looking to prevent and reverse the damage done to most people, the cause in most cases has been a lack of options.  Not a lack of choices.  In fact most people, including myself, can be positively paralyzed by some of the choices we have to make.  There is a subtle and less than semantic difference.  Choice is almost certainly something you have do, a decision you have to make.  Options are by their very nature, are optional decisions.  Voluntary in most cases and not essential.  Sophie’s Choice.  Stock Options.  Get it?

You do not choose to be a victim.  You do not choose to be sad, bored or worse.  But things are infinitely unhappy if there is no other option in sight, regardless of how many choices you are faced with.  Many people today feel trapped with no perceived options.  They fail to make good decisions and get further imprisoned.  It might be their finances and work, it might be their family.  Some options might require sacrifices that are too great or unavailable.  Most will hear there is always another way to skin a banana (let’s give cats a break).  But seeing that other way is the issue.  They feel they have no other option.

The paradox is people are also told you can do whatever you want, you are free, you have so much potential, you have so many opportunities, although in their minds, none of that is visible without a hard vision of something tangible.   Then add to that mix, the paralysis of choice.  Choosing what to further study, choosing to re-locate, choosing to talk about it is even terrifying.  Much less choosing what to focus on as your life’s work.  The Phantom of the Opera’s lament, “the prison of my mind!“ rings so loud.

More happily, when I was a teenager, Sherlock Holmes put one way to solve a problem is to use a process of elimination.  That is, once you have eliminated everything that is not possible, whatever remains, however ridiculous or improbable, must indeed be the solution.

My first wife could never identify her dream job.  She had never been able to and as a result was traveled the World ticking off her bucket list, until I met her.  Then after five years together, I handed her a fairly complete list of every type of occupation possible to most school-leavers.  After 90 minutes she had systematically crossed out each occupation that did not interest her.  What remained after a further 15 minutes was a circle around ‘locksmith’.   Ironic as it was the only skill I did not possess as a detective, although no surprise given we had only two weeks previous forked out at weekend night call out fee for a locksmith to help us after both forgetting our keys.

My current wife had no hesitation yesterday as we were walking over a hill to the next bay, to challenge this concept.  Again married to someone who cannot articulate nor identify their dream work, I unconsciously rolled out the above-mentioned old chestnut from Watson’s favorite muse.  Boy did it get thrown back in my face.   A fair Thai to English translation would be “You always have a lofty answer to everyone, although never take simple down to earth action yourself like a normal person.”

Point-taken and why I am writing this morning.  How does one make choices when there are no options?   Well options have been my opiates for a long time.  Making choices are much easier once you have ample options (and the all elusive plan most life coaches, mentors, counsellors and millionaires remind us ad nauseam).

What the World does not need is another self-help book.  What we need is a Guinness Record number of people becoming who they were born to be, doing what they were destined to do and have what they deserve for their efforts.

Please leave a comment if you think my family and I can help.

 

 

 

 

Shit Nobody Ever Believes until too late

by stayatworkfatherofthree Leave a comment

OK.  Just in case you did not get the memo yesterday from the IMF telling your governments to rein in spending and start hoarding cash and savings.

No less than 18 months ago when Trump was elected, Stayatworkfatherofthree would politely point out the People’s Republic of China, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, the United States of America and the Russian Federation, were all headed by individuals who cannot be voted out easily.   To boot, they are all capable of doing each others’ dirty work overseas, so as to not piss off their neighbors and allies.

My description was, basically the biggest organized crime mafia the world has ever seen and with them controlling everything from water supplies to wifi, could twist the balls of any nation, if not the rest of the globe.  Especially if this little fight club recruit all the other dictatorships in each continent.

What has happened in the last six months and especially the last six days is nothing less than a thinly veiled attempt to pretend these four nations are not in each other’s pockets.

Brexit ?  Immigration ?  Not likely Mate!   If there is one thing the British do well, it is knowing when to quit when they are ahead.  Their exit has nothing to do with immigration and refugees.  It has more to do with the fact they want to become an island further off the coast of Europe than before and keep the USA at arm’s length as they already have more than their fair share of eccentrics.

For the last 15 years, the British Commonwealth has been quietly going about their business like they always do and just like the previous World Wars, it will be the Commonwealth to come to the aid of the free World.  The only difference is it will not be just Christian soldiers fighting fascists this time.  They even had the Commonwealth Games.  Do you think USA, PRC, DPRK or FU,….. sorry RU, noticed or gave a shit?

Of course not.   They are too confident.  Too arrogant.

In April this year, Stayatworkfatherofthree was having a few drinks in Bangkok with an ex-Australian soldier.  When we got talking about the Gang of Four that is comprised of the above-mentioned mafia outfit, all of whom abuse cyber-space, outer-space and brain-wash the inner-space of their citizens.   There was a paper napkin handy so I drew out the following:

Imagine WWI and WWII starting at the same time, for the same reasons, but not started by the same countries or in the same place.

Let’s just say WWIII starts in the South China sea reef, (instead of the Balkans) and the PRC plays the expansionist drive (instead of Germany) with RU joining later (instead of Japan).  Too simplistic?   Do you think anyone is prepared to fight what in effect is WWI and WWII at the same time?

Try fighting when the mafia holds your water and wifi for ransom, or just for the hell of it because they can.  Why else have the secret services started training agents to use the postal system and dead letter drops over electronic communication.

Do you need to buy gold and dig a bomb shelter?

NOPE!  Gangsters do not destroy means of production they intend to use later.

  1. Get Superhero fit.  (Not buying American junk food will help).
  2. Eliminate all debt.  (Do not get a mortgage, unless you can out bid a Shanghai banker).
  3. Cash up (start saving for Christmas now!).
  4.  Do not invest in the stock market.

Unless you missed the billboard a decade ago when Russian crooks and corrupt PRC cadres started parking cash in the globes stock markets and manipulating prices, you really need to take a look back at the last century.

1977 oil crisis.  OK I was still wearing diapers then.  Missed that boat by a long shot.

1987 Crash.  Wow!  My first year of formal study of economics.  Was not even on minimum wage at supermarket, but the message was awesome.  October before the North hemisphere’s winter is a time to beware.

1997 Asian Financial Crisis.  I was there.  Fool me once, shame on you.

2007 GFC starts.   Was there again.  Fool me twice, shame on me.

2017 Consumer debt is global concern.  Real estate bubbles in every country increase.   95% of people addicted to something unhealthy.  Drugs, Donuts, Dumbphones, or Daily-grind.

October 2018.  You read it here.  Those four poor excuses for countries are going to make everyone look up at their rockets in the sky and pick your pockets, spray dirty water on your shoes, and pillage your prairies.

Me?  100 push-ups a day.  Zero debt.  Multiple revenue streams.  Zero stocks in 20 days.

ASK ME HOW!

 

 

 

 

 

 

CUTS, COLDS AND SORE HOLES

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Well that’s what my grandfather used to call the first aid kit.  According to other family members that is.   My only childhood memory of my paternal grandfather’s words was “Shhhhhhhh!”

No matter.  It is the last quarter of the moon and you know that is the best time to clean up, throw out things, organize what’s left and make space for all the new ventures of a pending new moon.   A month earlier, Stayatworkfatherofthree had obtained his first aid and CPR certificates through the Coast Guard safety courses and while that was not the first time I had held such qualifications, it was welcome.

Last week we purged the carport storage cupboards, pruned the kitchen of unnecessary clutter, repurposed the space under the stairs, the list goes on.  Stayathomemotheroffour showed little excitement, although the lack of busy clutter in every corner must have had some positive effect.  With the new found space in the hall cupboard where we keep the first aid kit, she decided this would be a job for “Mr. Anal Retentive.”   She placed the three crammed plastic containers that comprised our first aid options on the dining table and said “you do it as you know what everything is.”

There is rarely progress without sacrifice.  So as much as I loved keeping all my IT cables and plugs in a little plastic pigeon holed container with lid, that was a vessel destined for recommissioning in the next 24 hours.   

The only problem with traveling with such a mobile Radio Shack / Dick Smith branch packed into my roll on luggage was the extra weight it hogged from the meager 7kg allowed on budget airlines I am so fond of.     Space was not the issue as for half a decade we have been evangelical about the merits of not folding holiday clothes if possible and laying each garment flat on top of each other until one or two final folds.   I had needed a system for keeping cables, plugs and devices like the three phones etc. and thought it would make things simple.  It did, but low net weight won over and I did not even bring the eight compartment pigeon holed plastic container back on the return journey.

We still had an identical container at our island home and it was now in line of sight with the three container first aid mess we had once tried to explain to contents of which to our last baby sitter before she called the child services hotline (just kidding;-)   Like a mindful guy, I put everything to one side on a chair and slept on the problem.

Woke this morning and went down to the marina to change the fuel on our boat and get her ready or a nice day of sailing with Grandma and the boys.   Then the wind picked up too high for our little boat which does not even take half meter waves all that well.   Not problem, our monthly Coast Guard meeting was not until 18:00 hours, our three year old daughter would not finish day care until 16:00 hours.  We were in no hurry to fight the wind.   So the boys settled down eight Grandma to watch a funny French movie about school boys and the English subtitles kept them busy and possibly counted towards their daily reading quota.

Meanwhile, I tossed all the out of date medications first, unfolded boxes if they were printed with instructions and separated everything else as so:

1. Small blue box with only Alpha’s seasonal asthma puffer and note to self to make sure we would never need to use that again.

2. Medium plastic box with only items for cuts and bruises.  Plasters, antiseptic creams, cold sprays, bandaids, sterile scissors, saline solutions and surgical sheets for all manner of bloody mess.

3. Said eight compartment plastic organizer containing only medication and ointments for after care.  All carefully labeled with homemade bi-lingual sub headings.   Nose, foot, ear, pain relief, intestinal, muscle , cold and flu, at which point Grandma piped up the immoral words only children English colonies can create.

“Cuts, colds and sore holes” with all the crudeness of an East-end hawker and laziness of an Antipodean hooker I suppose.

Hell Kids are great!

by stayatworkfatherofthree Leave a comment

It is mid school year vacation for 2018 and day three of the kids’ holidays.   Just got their Semester 1 report cards and it brought me to tears.

Last weekend was a public holiday long weekend which kicked the school vacation off to an off the deep end 25/7 child care marathon.  Fighting the noisy thumping of them pounding up and down the stairs, scattering LEGO in every corner, demanding F&B faster than a pub’s last call, we are coping.  (ENGAGE !  Resistance is futile!)

Let me let you in a little secret.  Since we moved to Australia nearly three years ago, or TVs have been getting larger and number of bed time story readings has been getting smaller.  English at school HAS NOT BEEN AFFECTED!

Not week goes past without Alpha and Bravo taking their school banking to the office on a Tuesday morning without a small deposit.  Maths results HAVE HIT THE CEILING!

Buying a small yacht, waxing the car together on a Saturday afternoon, buying groceries together, preparing the ingredients for meals as a group once in a while, etc., and Health, Science and Technology at school are all HIGH or VERY HIGH achievement.

Stayatworkfatherofthree sat down this afternoon in the car port with a small bottle of my now favorite beer Miller Chill, and opened the two hard paper envelopes with the reports and sucked incessantly and I digested such glowing accounts of our boys’ progress.

Not bad for two young boys who had to move house twice in Term 1 and then be on the wrong side of bullies for a few too many weeks.   So I rose from my plastic garden chair and walked inside and put my hands on their shoulders letting them know they had something to be proud of.  Despite their behavior at home at times being borderline GBH, their school performance was without fault, even at time I had been overseas.

Explaining to them, their sister Charlie and Stayathomemotheroffour, that all the subjects were above average and in the top 75% to 100% range, the tears came and my voice began to shake.   A Father for only 8 and 3/4 years and they are still my babies learning to walk on Earth.

How did we make it this far?  Elsa telling us to let it go has helped us and might help you too.  You have to write your own book and if your life was movie you get to choose the ending.

My problem now is they already have a laptop and Nintendo, R2-D2 3D cardboard DIY sculpture, Robot mechanical sets.  How do you reward boys like that ?  An interview with Elon Musk would go over their heads.

Have a great evening everyone.  The future is in good hands.

PACK-MAN FLIES SOLO

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23:00 hours on friday night.  Ok this is a shout out to all to those of you awake in USA.   Pack-Man fully in touch with his inner Jack Reacher if that doesnt sound to nineteen never.

San Francisco leather biker jacket. Check.

Mobile phone charger cable, minus adapter. Check.

Cashed up with blow fund. Check.

Go and buy ticket to see late show of Deadpool 2.  Uncheck.  Wife has my cinema loyalty card.

Apply for a new one in her name.  Check.20180608_195551

Got 90 minutes to kill. Murder two entrees at place next door.  A new take on shrimp cocktail.20180608_191940

Followed by three lamb chops and diced roast veges with mint jus.20180608_192953

 

 

 

WHEN THE BOOK COMES OUT

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A funny thing happened last night.  You know when you hit a wall, procrastination sets in or you get to the top of the mountain and don’t know what do up there.   When you have talked the talk.  Then the only thing to do is to walk the walk.

When both your sons come home from school with a tale of woe and feel down with the teachers or another student has hit them and you wonder when will the World ever stop fighting.  So we go for a long walk on the beach we live on and talk as we go about how Daddy solves conflicts and pick up some interesting granite and quartz stones, gems if you like.

20180503_172443

We discuss everything from my own school experience with violence and why violence is illegal in most places.  Stayatworkfatherofthree being careful not to point out that while violence is banned in most schools yet rife among adults in the same country as the school.  We eventually settle on a large log of drift wood and Bravo starts hammering it with a pointed piece of granite and makes good headway in gradually cutting it in half.  In the process I show Alpha how cavemen would have once wedged a smaller sharper stone into a split stick to fashion a tomahawk.   The boys calm down, not because Dad is doing something with them.  They are using their hands and their heads are following.

We agree on walking away from violence at school and finding a teacher at all costs if it happens to either of them again.  We always do.  Until the next time it happens.  All ends well and we head home across the road so they can shower before dinner.

Later I take a sunset stroll down to where Sandpiper is berthed and she looks great and serene sitting in the dark water as the night chill comes on.   Further around the point I head into the supermarket and bump into another Father at the school and we get talking about kids.  We talk about the energy they have, we talk about slapping and we talk about kids in crisis.  For the next five minutes I let this younger Father knows the best way to calm a child is to pick them up and hug them while moving to another location so they can see a view of mountain or sea or sky to change the focus of their eyes.  Especially if they have been  inside or too long with eyes closely focused on reading, TV or toys.  Just simply allowing their eyes to re-focus a further distance seems to do the trick.

As we part he says the damnedest thing.  “Thanks mate, when’s the book coming out“  No question mark required because it is a cheeky rhetorical Australian question to put me in my place among friends.   I cannot stop laughing and wondering why no one has ever said that to me before.   In fact, never having hear it in the 20 years I grew up in Australia, how this gem escaped me.   Moreover, why the hell haven’t I in all these years produced a book.  (The Shining is one reason now I have a wife and kids and becoming an alcoholic like Hemmingway is another.)

Lost in self examination, I leant against the rail at the ferry terminal and watched the water lap against the small granite boulders.   Long before this blog started, I had produced small books at school and even at University.  Then in the throes of my lost years in Hong Kong’s nightlife, my weekly funpack emails were enjoyed by everyone except one uncle who did not have enough bandwidth to download the photo laden program for each weekend.  My magazine articles were published for months every couple of years and it you put them all together with reports we sent to clients every day, they would amount to several books.

Remembering I had our marina key in my pocket, a quick beeline was made to the little resort room open to marina residents and the little library of pre-loved books left by sailors of all description.   Settling for a very short history of the world and now armed with more than 300 pages to fend off random conversations with strangers, headed for dinner.   Reading no more than 40 pages during a tomato gazacho followed by BBQ tofu with avocado and quinoa, the restaurant filled and this was not the ambience to required.  I was done shortly after the table to my right asked for no sauce with their steak and only mustard on the side.  Because not 60 seconds later the table to my left requested the same no sauce, mustard only on the side.  Could they hear each other?  Was subliminal messaging at work.  The bane of the detective.  Not being able to switch off.

Exit Stage Right.  A quick coffee on the way home at Scallywags, the pirate cafe with bodiced waitresses and 30’s music.  The uncomfortable white wrought iron table and chair had the best light for reading.   Served by people who remember your name and piping hot cappuccino, was just reabsorbed in the human migration from Alaska to South America when the owner Pete comes to shake my hand.  “Love the way your are using this space” he says referring to possible the least used table, yet the only one beside the little fountain.  Or was it because I was the only solo diner not looking at a phone?

Respect for books.  They change the tone.  Perhaps the World need a few more, if you can believe there aren’t already.  There, I said this was funny, not hilarious.  But it certainly reminded me to finish reading and writing the ones I have already started.

Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.  You were so right Mr. Lennon.